yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
