If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
