She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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