Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
