Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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