I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
