look no pants
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sext me about skeletons
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