I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
