The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
