Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
wow bdsm is so cute
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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