you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
