i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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