smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
