I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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