It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
