I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
