you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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