She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
