My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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