I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
