I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
