The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
