I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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