Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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