Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
