so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
