omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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