I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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