Screwed.edu
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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