I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
