ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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