apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
