Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i came on her dog
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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