She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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