I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want her autograph on my taint
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
