do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
