Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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