Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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