I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
