Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
