At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
