Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I forget how to act sober
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
