And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
