I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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