Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
whose parrot is this?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
