pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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