I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
