dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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