$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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