Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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