There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
